Rock Bottom

Rose amused herself by planning a suicide T-shirt business. She sat writing slogans and researching appropriate quotes.

“Put the coffeecake in the oven, not your head, Sylvia Plath.”

“Put the needle in the tapestry, not your arm, Kurt Kobain.”

“Put the sandwich in the refrigerator, not your mouth, Mama Cass.”

“Don’t overdose, overcome, Ox.”

“Bite a bonbon, not the bullet, Ernest Hemingway.”

“They may be your heroes, but they’re my fucking friends.”--Approximate quote about musician drug overdoses by Pete Townshend, The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

"I feel the jagged edge with which my contemporaries died".--Robert Lowell, "For John Berryman, 1914-1972"

“You Might As Well Live.”--Dorothy Parker

Rose would call it Rock Bottom Rig. She could see the store: T-shirts, caps, commando hats, hoodies, nightgowns, military bags, messenger bags, cross necklaces, tights, socks, wall decals, pillows, cotton wallets, sheets, and more, all inscribed with suicide slogans. She would sell books and music by suicides and even sewing kits (needles), fake tattoo kits (needles), and pill bottles of candy as a joke. Also anti-suicide equipment and literature: classics and CDs so absorbing you would never want to die, self-help books, calming creams, candles, massages (an in-house masseur or masseuse?), delicious coffeecake, and coffee.

Why are you laughing so hard? Megan asked.

Rose explained. The Grim Reaper has come and gone. She told Megan about her store idea.

Megan laughed. Oh my God, I love it. May I work there?

If you move to Snowden.

Never. Open it in Philly.

Never.

Jim picked up Megan, the three of them went out for pizza, and then Jim and Megan left.

That night Rose clicked on her computer and looked at her bank balance. Good news: she had stopped spending money except for a small DIY amount on the new house. When she sold her half of the River House to Ben, she would have enough to open Rock Bottom. She would do it. She made her business plan. She would force Ben, a lawyer, to do the paperwork . And while she ran Rock Bottom (which would attract people if she kept changing the merchandise), she would go to graduate school . She wanted to do something new, something mindless, something where she could work at home. And computers were so absorbing. You could casually spend a whole day and night s doing a new program or repairing something. Repairs would be easiest. The stupidest people sometimes did the repairs. She had written several programs herself. At her job the computer guys often were slow, kept the system down for days, while Rose could fix it in a few hours. She couldn’t rat because then they would hate her. She knew, however, that they wanted to extend their hours so they would seem more necessary. Sometimes she got so exasperated she fixed it herself, but more often she went home and did her work on her excellent Apple.

Maybe Dorrie and Gabrielle could work at the store. She didn’t know what to do about them. Rose might be able to pressure Ben to let Dorrie and Gabrielle live in the River House. Dorrie was his responsibility. Ben should marry her. That was Rose’s real feeling. Marry Dorrie. Ben could take care of Dorrie. He could be kind.

How Rose had loved Ben!

I don’t anymore, she said. It was hard to remember. It was as though she had amnesia.

But computers were a new world. Better than architecture. She was fed up with architecture. She wanted a whole new life.

The next day she went to the bank with her business plan.

Are you serious?

Yes, I am. Free speech and all that. It doesn’t encourage people to commit suicide. Quite the contrary.

Yes, I see. But who will shop there?

Everybody. The hip and the young. The gen-xers and the gen after them. That’s why it’s probably best if I don’t work there myself. They’ll want somebody at the counter with a nose ring and black clothes. Of course, I could wear black clothes.

She got the loan.

She was very excited when she told Kent. He was laughing so hard he could hardly believe her.

I want in. Can I be your partner? And why can’t you just work here in computers if that’s what you want?

No, I want a Ph.D. I want to go to school. I want time for myself.

Why?

Because I’ve become kind of a nut. Living with Ben was driving me nuts. There’s a kind of nut who spends her life waiting for a phone call.

A Dorothy Parker nut? You might as well live, Kent laughed. But seriously I want to be your partner.