Darkover

Megan couldn’t get out of Darkover. She found herself reading one novel a day. There were thirty-five books in the series, maybe more, and some had more than 400 pages. She had just finished Hawkmistress! Great, charming, fun, she wrote in her book journal. In her book journal she listed books and rated them fabulous, prodigious, stupendous, great, good, fun, amusing, delightful, terrible, suspeneseful, boring, worthless: whatever came into her mind. She didn’t do stars. Rose used stars. Five was great, one was terrible.

Work on Megan’s own book ground to a stop. How could she write when what she was reading had nothing to do with her research? Why was she reading Darkover books?

It’s a complete escape, she said to Bird. Looks like this is the year I really goof off.

Bird laughed. Most of us goof off a lot. Would you like to go for a walk?

She hesitated. She hadn’t mentioned to Bird that she could barely make it around the block. She would have to wear sunglasses and carry her mug of coffee. Gripping her travel mug helped her. Where did you have in mind?

Let’s drive to the park and walk on the trail. Some of the bushes are budding.

In January?

Yes, afraid so.

She thought about the park. Strange people walking on the trail, dead-looking trees, budding bushes in January. It didn’t sound appealing.

Why not walk around the neighborhood?

All right.

She found her sunglasses and a light jacket. She had finally gotten her laundry done, so she was dressed today. Out of her bathrobe into the street! That was her new philosophy.

The sun was too bright. Out on the doorstep she gripped Bird’s hand for a minute.

I’m a little dizzy. Wait just a minute.

Agoraphobia? Bird said sympathetically.

How’d you know?

I’m a professional. I’ve seen it. There’s a lot of it around. And I know you don’t have heart problems.

How do you know?

I’ve seen your records.

She jabbed him in the side. Snoop! But she knew all health professionals snooped in the computer records.

Sorry, but you know...

Okay, I know. So what do I do?

Prozac helps.

Huh uh. I won’t take it.

Well, then...yoga?

So on this walk how is yoga going to help me?

Breathe. Remember the breathing you did in childbirth? Only more gently than that.

I didn’t do it. I took the drugs.

Bird laughed again. I have never met anyone more rebellious. All the women of our generation did natural childbirth.

God! Not me.

Well, let’s breathe deeply and slowly here a minute. Close your eyes. Imagine yourself in a safe place. At the seaside maybe. Slow down your breathing.

I’m at home. I haven’t left the house. It’s the safe place.

Megan. Suddenly he put his arms around her. I’ll protect you on our walk. There’s nothing going on.

Nothing?

She felt as though she were with a big animal. Tall and hulking, a little like a bear. Bear would have been a good nickname for him, she thought. He reminded her of the bears in that documentary by Herzog. The one about the bear guy who eventually got mauled by a bear with his girlfriend. She hoped that wouldn’t happen to her and Bird.

They walked straight up the street three blocks to a street of small shops.

Let’s go buy ice cream cones.

No. I can’t possibly.

How about the bookstore?

Well.

It was hard to resist a bookstore. She hadn’t made it to a bookstore since her husband died.

She found several books by Marion Zimmer Bradley. She let Bird buy them for her. Marion Zimmer Bradley had had hardcore fans and she had written a lot. Her first bestseller was The Mists of Avalon, a retelling of the King Arthur story. Rose wanted that and a couple of prequels or sequels, she wasn’t sure which.

You are really obsessive, aren’t you? he asked.

I like to read every book by an author. If that’s obsessive...

Out on the street he said, Wait here a minute. I promise I’ll be right back.

She trembled, holding her travel mug and the bag of books. Where was he going? She leaned against the bookstore.

A minute later he was back with ice cream cones.

See? Life is good.